VAN to Work for the Republicans?

Hot on the heels of the VAN’s decision to offer website hosting and CRM services, the Democratic voter turnout operation has decided to move even farther from its core competence:

Voter Activation Network to Launch New Technology For Republican National Committee

The architects of the DNC’s “VoteBuilder” software will help the GOP bridge the technology gap with “VoteSuppressor”

Somerville, Mass., April 1, 2010 — Voter Activation Network (VAN), the company whose “VoteBuilder” software helped propel the Democratic Party to a significant technological advantage over the GOP in 2008, announces the release of “VoteSuppressor,” a software program especially tailored to the needs of Republican campaigns.

“We had to take a different approach to address the technology needs of today’s Republican party,” said Voter Activation Network founder Mark Sullivan. “While we first expected to reuse much of the ground breaking voter contact software we built for Democrats, we soon realized that Republicans are more interested in scaring voters than talking to them.”

Some of the specialized development for VoteSuppressor will include:

  • VAN’s core tools for amassing voter data and facilitating better communication will be modified to confuse voters about where they vote and whether they are eligible.
  • VAN’s powerful “Turf Cutter” tool, which helps users prepare walk routes by visualizing voters on a map, will also highlight the nearest luxury hotels and bondage-themed strip clubs.
  • Friendly user messaging and warm Obama “Hope Glow” will be replaced with “Hell no, you can’t!” theme.
  • Every page of the system will feature a slick animation of RNC chairman Michael Steele making a different one of his trademark gaffes.

Voter Activation Network has reached a special deal with the RNC to allow them to place their entire new technology program on credit, inspired by the record breaking deficit spending of Presidents Reagan, Bush, and Bush.

Voter Activation Network is the world’s largest provider of voter contact technology, available only to Democrats and progressives. In 2008 President Obama’s campaign used VAN to manage its massive voter contact and volunteer management operations in all 50 U.S. states. Voter Activation Network works with Republicans and reactionaries only on April Fool’s Day.

Cute, guys — not bad at all. For more April Fool’s Day political fun, check out this roundup from Salon, including a surprisingly funny RNSC-created video:


Written by
Colin Delany
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