Financial Crisis Solved! Paulson Takes a Tip from Nigerian Spammers

My friend Linda Tripp (no, not THAT Linda Tripp) just sent along this little piece of the zeitgeist:

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

The misspellings add to the charm, no? Thank god we don’t have to worry about that whole Wall Street thing anymore.


Written by
Colin Delany
View all articles
1 comment
  • With the whole economy in trouble, a little humor goes a long way. Reminds me of the unique, strong brand of survivor’s humor exhibited by my grandparents and others of their generation who lived through the depression.